Monday, January 21, 2008

Do it Yourself: Cloverfield

This past weekend I saw the new film Cloverfield, a sci-fi/action/horror release shot entirely with handheld cameras (similar to Blair Witch) which was apparently a big hit with U.S. audiences. I came away disappointed by my experience with the film, particularly because I was startled by its gross production inefficiency. While some might laud the film's $25 million production budget, the same experience could have easily been achieved without leaving home, for less than $20. Please allow me to explain this as a simple four-step process:

To reproduce the movie, you'll first need to acquire a bottle of cheap vodka, a shot glass, and a copy of Godzilla (1998 version starring Matthew Broderick). For some viewers, these will be ordinary household items, making for an even smaller production budget.

First, power on your television and DVD player. Set the sleep timer on your television to a random time within the span of 1 - 1.5 hours. This step will make sense later.

Now, quickly drink about 5-10 shots of the vodka. After a brief wait, the room should be spinning and you should feel somewhat nauseous - perfect viewing conditions! Not a moment to be wasted - find that DVD player remote!

Play your copy of Godzilla. Note the explosions, large invincible reptilian creature destroying New York City (again), as well as the entirely forgettable plot and characters. Note how the spinning room adds to your viewing experience. Occasionally look down at your feet for a few minutes, and try to focus on them. Think about the last time you went to Disneyland. Think about how courteous it was of Disneyland cast members to discreetly place those small vomit receptacles by your feet on turbulent rides. Try not to dwell on this, just appreciate it.

If you followed the above steps correctly, your television should turn off unpredictably, at a random point in the movie: Just what you need to complete your Do-it-Yourself Cloverfield experience!

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